murmurs

and a small grey shadow that for some reason reminds me of grape juice's taste weeps in the corner... I feel alone. poignantly, painfully, keenly alone. And I would say I felt abandoned... but there was never anything to leave. *gulps back sob* I feel unmade... as though I were not... were null... were completely undefined but in a cruel deliberate sort of eraser tearing into paper till not only is there nothing distinguishable... but there is not place for anything to be distinct ever. And it isn't just what's happened recently... it's something that has been going on for a long time gradually eating away at anything that lingered long enough to say goodbye. hollow and I weep for the emptiness the aloneness the un-me-ness, and resolve to be what I have always been for no reason other than that I have been it.